I have a theory about mosquitoes. They are all plotting against me. You may think "mosquitoes bite me"…but you should know they’ve been doing that just to keep me from suspecting their true malicious purpose. Their Machiavellian scheme: to bring to pass my slow and painful death.
You see, ever since I was a child, it seemed these fiends could just not get enough. I was Bella and they were Edward. My blood was like a drug to them. I am the mosquitoes own personal brand of heroin. They initially were just trying to keep me around so there’d be an unlimited supply of me. But since I hate nature they soon became jealous and thought if they can’t have me then the indoors can’t either. Thus the new plan to murder me.
Every mosquito bite I’ve gotten this year balloons to the size of Connecticut. HUGE! So they have been dosing me with more and more poison.
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| "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..." |
So next time you are bitten by a mosquito just know, it’s not you…it’s me.
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