"And That's the First Kind Word I've Had from Anyone Since Lydia Went Away..."

I like this guy. He is a really great guy. He is my friend and he's funny and cute and nice and smart and everything he ought to be. And the more I hangout with him the more I like him. But there is trouble a brewing...and it's two-fold. I don't think he likes me. And the other fold, I'm starting to not even think it's worth hoping for or pursuing. Because despite his being, ya know, flat-out great, I sort of feel we are just not from the same world. 

Ya know those movies from the 80s...where they talked about people being from the wrong side of the tracks? Like in Some Kind of Wonderful or Pretty in Pink? Well, that's me. I sort of feel like I'm coming from the wrong side of the tracks. Which is absurd because I do not. Me and mine do just fine, thank you very much. 

Now we all know that I prefer Duckie, but for the sake of this narrative let's just say I'm liking the Blaine guy. Which is, when you think about it, basically my whole problem. I should be grateful Blaine doesn't want me...because that leaves room for Duckie, right? Right?

But I can't help feeling that way because it feels like he's just more world worn or something. Sophisticated? That's not quite the adjective I'm looking for, but it's the same kind of feel. It's sort of like he's Mr. Darcy and I'm like Kitty Bennett. In fact, that's exactly what it's like. It's that he's too good for me, but not in a low self-esteem nonsense sort of way. I'm perfectly happy with who I am and the life I've lived. But my life doesn't seem made to fit with his life. Which is alright. It just has me feeling kind of down. I really like this guy. He has done all these amazing things and been all these amazing places and has this amazing brain. And I'm not even sure what about me is amazing yet. But trust me, I know I am amazing. I am just not sure what is my amazing specialty. What (aside from my terrific blogness) makes me amazing?

Jane, Mary, Kitty and Lydia (from Lost In Austen)
Kitty Bennet being the cute-ish but not bewitching, fun but not ridiculous, and not stuffy bookish one. You know...the normal, average one that nobody talks about. I mean heck, they sometimes cut her out of the adaptations. She doesn't even get to go to Brighton!

And no, I'm not fishing for compliments or feeling sorry for myself...because I think I'm pretty much overall good to great. I just haven't found my amazing.

And maybe that is my problem. Maybe that is why I keep falling for all these Pemberley types and I don't seem to bewitch them body and soul. Because right now, I'm only good to great. Which makes me the sort of girl who ends up living with my parents and weirdo sister at the end of the book...I don't even wind up with Mr. Collins. But I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing. 

PS While looking for that picture of the P&P girls I found this humorous LOST (crazy ABC TV show) in Austen thing. I found it to be mildly amusing, so I thought I'd share.