Is there a Doctor in the house?

I have a boyfriend. His name is Dr Pepper. I love Dr Pepper SOOOOOO much. It is a problem. You see Dr Pepper is not a human. Dr Pepper is a caffeinated carbonated soda with 23 flavors of delicious. Dr Pepper is the best. But also bad for you. And addictive. I am addicted to Dr Pepper. And not just in the “oh the caffeine” I get a headache when I don’t drink it kind of way…but also an emotional addiction.

The Story of Us

Dr Pepper and I met when I was but a young girl. When I was in elementary school he was a family friend and we’d be together during social functions like parties and just the occasional no occasion drink. But when I new years came around when I was twelve my family and I decided that Dr Pepper (and all of his relatives) were just not a good fit with our family and we swore them off for a year. It was not a big deal since Dr Pepper and I were only casual acquaintances. When that year was over Dr Pepper and I didn’t really keep in touch. Over the years we’d see each other at social events and it was like old times but we only ever met if someone else brought Dr Pepper. Then a couple years ago Dr Pepper and I went to every movie together. It started out as I needed someone to help me through midnight movies. And then we had a steady movie-going relationship. Then on Tuesdays at work I’d struggle and I’d call on Dr Pepper to get me through the day. And now over time, our relationship has progressed to where we are with each other nearly every day. It’s love.

Sadly however, like most addictions Dr Pepper has led to more hard-core beveraging. That’s right. I’m now into Dublin Dr Pepper. I know. I know. You’re shocked and appalled. Me too. It costs nearly two dollars for 8 oz of the stuff. That’s like 50¢ per ounce! It’s ridiculous. And yet so delicious. It’s pure cane sugar…not this high fructose corn syrup nonsense. Pfft. Although mostly I still drink the cheap stuff, it is becoming quite pricey.

My love for Dr Pepper is becoming a major problem. First of all I’m now dependant on the stuff to make it through a day of work or else I just slump there. Second I can just feel myself ballooning because of how many calories there are in each ounce. Third I’m beginning to spend more money on soda than I have in recent past spent on iTunes so I’m becoming very un-thrift. And finally if I’m going to run a half marathon I can’t do it with an IV of Dr Pepper. 

So. I am swearing off the stuff. That’s right. Dr Pepper and I are breaking up and going our separate ways. At least until after January. Now I’m not saying I won’t slip up and in a state of sleep deprivation induced desperation turn to the pep Dr Pepper gives…but I’m never going to rely on Dr Pepper so much again. We had a good run but like all good things our co-dependent relationship must come to end. It’s time for me to move on. Water, here I come.