Pfft

You all know about my one true love Keith the Cookie Maker. And you may remember that much like his beard is growing out…we have been growing apart. Well…he’s dead to me.

Yesterday as I was journeying toward my homestead I passed where KtCM works making the delicious cookies. My heart thrilled at the sight of him, despite his slumocky backwoodsman appearance. I imagined it would be just like in SBFSB when Benjamin shaves off his beard and VOILA…babeness ensues. I imagined our adorable-pants children running around being good-looking and eating cookies. I imagined- wait. What? What is that in your hand KtCM? A smoke? YOU’RE SMOKING? In front of the children?! KtCM is a SMOKER. That is so unappealing to me. So irrevocably unappealing to me. (Unless he were to quit and etc) But I don’t think he will. And frankly I don’t more than slightly care if he does or not. (Naturally I wish he would quit. I wish everyone would quit. It’s gross. And smelly. And bad for you. And your teeth.) So KtCM and I are done. 

Our unborn children are up somewhere in heaven weeping because they will never be born…but I am unmoved. KtCM is no longer my love. Keep your dirty beard and smokes...I'm over it.

The real KtCM walking away from me. Hehehe. And some stranger in a green shirt.