Monday, November 12, 2012

Reviews from the Instant Queue

Love in a Goldfish Bowl

Released in 1961, this movie stars Tommy Sands, Toby Michaels, and Fabian. 
This movie featured two original songs sung by our stars Sands and Fabian.

Right off the bat I should have known I was in trouble, when I saw that Fabian wasn't singing the title song.
Sands and Michaels are Gordon and Blythe respectively: two high schoolers(?) who are BFFs and sick of their parents. So instead of spending Easter break back home they cook up a wild notion to spend the holiday alone at Gordon's mother's beach house on Balboa Island, CA. 
Whoever decided that Tommy Sands needed to be bleach blonde in this movie deserves to not only have been fired but also deserves to be publicly ridiculed.

Although, his hair being awful sort of works since his character is kind of not at all appealing in anyway. He basically talks down to Blythe the whole time and convinces her to get into all sorts of trouble, tells her to lie to her dad, and is kind of a, pardon my french, dick. And Blythe is admittedly going along with it so whatever. I hate them both. But I feel bad for her. 
In one scene, Blythe tells Gordon she is afraid to sleep in a room alone because she always gets terrible nightmares and that she has been having them ever since his mother died. She tells Gordon about the nightmares and the guy is totally interested.

Gordon tells Blythe that she will be doing the cooking and shopping while they are on vacation. Blythe says she doesn't know how but Gordon is like "Meh, you're a woman so you have to." So she does. And she is terrible at it. She messes up and Gordon scolds her.

Then they go boating and since Gordon is such an expert he is teaching her. Naturally the boat capsizes and they drown. The end of the movie. JK. Of course Fabian is a sailor with the Coast Guard named Zeppe and rescues them.

After some pretty cute flirting on the boat, Zeppe drives them home in the car he has been restoring. He tells them about his big family and is totes adorable. 

Gordon is a total possessive jerk and doesn't even seem all that grateful to Zeppe for saving his life. Blythe on the other hand recognizes this dreamboat for what he is and they go on several dates. Kissing ensues.

Which leads to Gordon being a stalker.

Zeppe wants to take Blythe to a party but Gordon won't allow it. Which I really don't understand why or how he is in charge of Blythe but whatever. Since Blythe is so upset Gordon says he'll throw the party at their house. 
And basically the whole movie is worth it just for the party. Because...

I won't even bother trying to explain things. Just know that all of that really happened. And Blythe and Gordon's parents of course showed up and the jig was up. After they get busted at the party by their parents, Blythe and Gordon realize they are in love. The best part of this was when Blythe's dad shared a room with Gordon and he wouldn't let Gordon out of his sight.

The next day, Zeppe comes over to apologize that the party got crazy or something totally classy. Blythe sort of has to choose between Gordon and Zeppe because, well, this is a movie and time's running out.

Since Blythe is decidedly stupid she chooses Gordon.

So overall this movie was probably worth five out of ten Jelly Beans. But I think the sheer absurdity of that party pushes it up to a grand total of SEVEN JELLY BEANS. Plus, this movie has firmly made me in love with Fabian.
In other news, I would like for there to be a biopic about Fabian where Joshua Jackson plays him. It would be excellent casting.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Liam Neeson's Wing of Protection

A few years back, while at Sundance with my family, I had the great opportunity of being granted a hand shake by Liam Neeson. I'll repeat that, he shook my hand. That moment changed my life.
Since then I have been well aware that should anyone kidnap me, Liam Neeson would look for, find and kill whoever had done such a thing to me. Or he would say something in his Aslan way that would cause the kidnappers to release me immediately. Or he would instruct me through the force and help me use my midi-chlorians to escape. Or he'd support his son in learning to play the drums so the love of his life can say all she wants for christmas is him, and they'd rush to the airport and somehow this would result in my safety. I don't know how it would happen but Liam loves it when a plan comes together, so somehow I would be saved as a direct result of his actions. It is a great comfort. Being under Liam Neeson's wing of protection has been a great responsibility. There is a constant vigilance required. I would not however give up such an honor for the world.
At any rate, today while looking up the new Breaking Dawn trailer (which, I am super excited for and not ashamed of) I stumbled upon the knowledge that this is happening in October...
Yes. He's just that cool.
That's right fans of humanity and cinematic BAery...we're being offered up a second dose of Liam Neeson as the best movie dad of all time. So excited.
But the only question I have is, how did I not know this was happening until today?
Right after he shook my hand.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Spirited Away

I blame Laura. Not my mom Laura, but my friend Laura. 
I was driving down the road when suddenly I felt the presence of a spirit. Not a mean presence or a happy presence. Just a presence that was wholly other than me. I went to my home and my friend Laura came over. She told me I had a gift and that if I used it I would be helping people.
We tried to contact the presence I had felt earlier in my car. Then I felt my emotions change and I felt as though I were someone else. I was still me and still felt like me. But it was as though there were two entire consciousnesses residing inside of my. It was weird and I didn't like it. But I could tell the other lady did. I could feel the female presence enjoying the sensation of existing. The sensation of being. I could feel the other presence growing comfortable in my skin. I could feel her gaining more control over my body.
Laura helped me break the connection. But I could feel the other presence lingering around me. Pressing in on my skin. Trying to feel her way back into being. was very excited and wanted to try again. I said that I would not do it and I told the presence that it should leave because I would not be acknowledging it again. Laura left, angry that I would not try.
The presence was there. Trying to make me give in. I put on headphones and turned on some music. I painted my toenails. I was successfully ignoring the presence.
Then I felt a furious thundering. The fan in the corner of the room was spinning uncontrollably. I unplugged it. It kept going. I ran to find my mother. The fan, still whirring, was following me. I crashed into my mother's room panicking and out of breath.
"What's the matter?" she said.
The fan flew up into the ceiling with a hard thwack.

And that is when I woke up freaking out. 
I tried to calm myself down and say it was just a dream. But no. I couldn't do that. So after about an hour of tossing and turning, I heard a noise in my room that I could only describe as ghost or mouse (or as I realized in the balloon that I got for my birthday being blown by my fan and scraping against my wall). I hurried to go sleep in my mother's room since my room was clearly haunted. 
I'm happy to report that I was not possessed by a ghost thing. And I feel really grateful about that.
So in closing I want to the skin you're in. Don't share it with ghosts. It's yours so take care of it. Also, you are never too old to get so freaked out by a nightmare that you can't sleep in your room alone.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

An Update in No-mance

I currently to not have a crush on any boy. Which is INSANE. Because I have had a crush on at least one person since I was, oh, seven or so. It's really freaking me out. And is bad for my hygiene since I don't feel the need to do my hair or wear make-up if there isn't a boy I'm hoping to woo. "Jill" at work used to tell me that I ought to be ready at all times since I "never know when I will meet a man" but I just disregard her because that seems like gambling. So basically this blog is lame but I just felt like jumping back on the blog-wagon. Hopefully, my next post will be 16 times better.

PS I died my hair red.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Reviews from the Instant Queue

The In Crowd

This movie was released in 1988. The biggest name in this movie is Joe Pantoliano. And the girl from the beginning of Ghostbusters who isn't psychic (Jennifer Runyon).
To Sum Up: This movie is about Del, a bookish type who is a closet fan of the biggest dance show in town, the Perry Parker show. And if you've ever seen a movie about a dance show then you know that the person who we are shown watching the dance show will eventually end up on the show. And true to form, this movie does not disappoint. Del makes a bet with his other bookish friends that he will be on the show that Friday, and his next door neighbor says she will clean his room...naked...if he does. This would really work out well for her since it is beyond obvious that she loves Del and would eat his laundry if he asked. So of course Del goes to the show and through hi-jinx and what not is able to make it backstage. Coincidentally, Perry Parker just got word that his shows ratings are dropping and he needs to make a change, and also that Dugan (one half of the spotlight couple Vicky and Dugan) has been arrested and is banned from being on the show. So naturally, Del gets to be Vicky's new man (which works out great for him since he loves Vicky and would eat her laundry if she asked) and the show begins. Dancing in a line to 60s music happens, and the other men-folk on the show resent how much screen time Del is getting so the conspire to rough him up (or something) and Del some how does like a sort of split/spin/slide move to counter their attack which is somehow effective and also, I guess, cool enough that they just leave him alone. I don't know if I really buy it, but who am I to say. I don't know the rules of dance shows. Needless to say Del is just the star Perry needs. Therefore, Perry demands (mob boss style) that Vicky and the rest of the dancing gang include Del in all their fun and that Vicky and Del date. It's weird. And Vicky and gang agree. So Del takes Vicky on a date (blowing of his neighbor Gail and their study club) and they hang out at a train station (why?) with the rest of the kids from the show. We find out that Vicky wants to be Natalie Wood, which is cool. And while Del is being beer showered by the boys, Vicky sneaks off with Dugan. And then stuff like this happens for about 20 more minutes. Del picking Vicky up for a date (blowing off his friends and especially Gail) and hanging out at the train station while she really goes on a date with Dugan. I don't know. It's weird. There are also some random bonding moments with the most annoying person in the world who calls himself "Pop-eye" and who, you guessed it, does Pop-eye things. Think Uncle Joey from Full House minus any of the good Uncle Joey stuff. Any who, at an appearance Del dances with a girl in a leg brace and Vicky basically falls in love with him, so they then start dating in earnest and he tries to teach Vicky school stuff. The show really started to lose me here. And then Dugan breaks into Del's house and they have a dance fight. It was literally AWESOME. Literally. I guess the dance ends in either a draw or Del wins (which I disagree with because it looked to me like Dugan was the better dancer) because Dugan leaves. As he's leaving, Gail walks in to give Del something and Dugan kisses her and she kind of like freaks out. But they cut away really fast so it's sort of pointless. Vicky and Del go on a date to see Gail in a play and it's fine until the dinner after. At dinner, everyone is picking on Del for being flaky. And Gail and her gal pal are a teensy catty to Vicky...which is understandable since Gail loves Del, but it's a very poor strategy. Since it alienates Vicky enough that she leaves, pisses off Del, and has him run after her. Then some more stuff happens and the show gets cancelled and Del helps Vicky run off to California with Dugan. And then the movie ends with Gail going over to Del's house to show him her new Bob Dylan album and he's a little like, who is this newly hippie Gail person? And they just listen to the record and it ends.
All in all, I'd say this movie had such a good chance of being awesome to me. It was campy and dancey and had fun music from the 60s, and the acting was just bad enough that it was almost good.
But it really just didn't end with Del realizing that he loved Gail all along, and that really ruined the whole thing for me. And there were way too many close up shots of Vicky that were blurred. It was really irritating.
All in all, I would have to say that I give this movie 4 out of 10 Jelly Beans. For the fun songs, and okay dancing. And a solid base for a movie I would love. It just fell short.
Also, Del was too goofy looking...I could just not get over it.