My 17th Greatest Fear

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming because of this fear. What sort of debilitating fear is that you ask? Why I will tell you. My fear is that my mother named me (her youngest child) after her favorite flavor of Listerine. That's right Amber flavored listerine.


Why does my mother love listerine so much? The world may never know but she is just like the dad from my big fat greek wedding, but instead of an obsession with the cure all properties of windex she is convinced Amber Listerine is liquid straight from Heaven. Manna in liquid form. Calluses on your feet? No problem just soak your feet in a mixture of equal parts Amber Listerine and white vinegar and the calluses are as good as gone? Got a cold just swab a little Amber Listerine up your nose at the first signs and POOF the cold is gone. Want silky hair? Have dandruff? Have a rash? Shingles? LICE! Is your bedroom stinky? Shoes smell? Cat got your tongue? Hives? Are you shy? Well with the liberal application of some Amber Listerine all your problems can be solved.

Terrifying isnt it?