Today I Am an Adult

As a child I loved "The Box." For those of you who missed "The Box," it was a TV channel that played music videos (and only music videos) all day, it also allowed you to request songs and it would charge you like a dollar to get your song played. It was my favorite. I remember quite vividly watching things like Aqua's Barbie Girl or Britney Spears' Baby One More Time and Oops I Did It Again. During the Christmas season *N'Sync's Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays would cycle on and I would stop whatever I was doing and plant myself in front of the TV for the duration. It was my golden calf, pretty much. And now whenever I hear a song that was played frequently on "The Box" I see the accompanying music video and think "This is a Box song. Sigh."

However, there were certain songs that would come on and my mom would be very disapproving. Mainly these songs were Eminem songs. I can't remember if Eminem was explicitly banned from our house or if it was simply an unspoken outlawing of his music. Either way, just like MTV, he was not allowed. And just like MTV, he occasionally crept in with the volume turned down very low. I distinctly remember the My Name Is music video because it was such a big deal to watch it. So I have always had a secret Romeo-and-Juliet thing for Eminem music. 

Well today I'm "Cleaning Out My Closet" as it were. I now own all of the Eminem music and I am officially declaring to my mother that I listen to Eminem, because I am an adult. 

PS Don't be disappointed in me, Mom. Also, I will only listen to it with headphones on so it doesn't bother anyone else.

Just So You Know

I love Dr Pepper. He is my boyfriend. We all know this. YEAH WE GET IT! YOU LOVE DR PEPPER. I apologize dear reader for there is a point to my bringing this up. That point being, when I am sick there is only one beverage I trust and turn to fix me up. And that is Pepsi. (Okay not true. I do drink Aloe Vera juice to settle an upset stomach. As it will either help you purge the upset or settle, but I only go in those extreme circumstances where purging is preferable to my suffering.) When I have a headache or feel slightly queezy or feel like I am going to have a headache or am going to feel slightly queezy, I feel like nothing puts a stop to the trouble like Pepsi.

My mom says that cola has settling qualities. Since people drink cola to settle stomachs. And also carbonation settles stomachs (alka-seltzer). And it has caffeine which is supposed to help headaches. So Dr Pepper, I love you. But Pepsi…I owe you my life. And there is always the drink my gramps taught me...Dr Pepsi...which should be the best of both worlds.

My 17th Greatest Fear

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming because of this fear. What sort of debilitating fear is that you ask? Why I will tell you. My fear is that my mother named me (her youngest child) after her favorite flavor of Listerine. That's right Amber flavored listerine.


Why does my mother love listerine so much? The world may never know but she is just like the dad from my big fat greek wedding, but instead of an obsession with the cure all properties of windex she is convinced Amber Listerine is liquid straight from Heaven. Manna in liquid form. Calluses on your feet? No problem just soak your feet in a mixture of equal parts Amber Listerine and white vinegar and the calluses are as good as gone? Got a cold just swab a little Amber Listerine up your nose at the first signs and POOF the cold is gone. Want silky hair? Have dandruff? Have a rash? Shingles? LICE! Is your bedroom stinky? Shoes smell? Cat got your tongue? Hives? Are you shy? Well with the liberal application of some Amber Listerine all your problems can be solved.

Terrifying isnt it?