Why I Haven't Blogged In A While aka Seriously?

Hello readers! I know I’ve been silent for a while. Let me explain why. I have experienced minor trauma/drama so I have not been in any condition to blog.

Several weeks ago I went to pick up a sandwich from Keith the Cookie Maker. I was so excited. I got ready that morning and put on make up because I knew that I would be seeing him that day. So I was really ready. But then when I went into the Deli tragedy struck. It was as though I had been shot through the heart. KEITH HAS GROWN A GROSS GOATEE. I know. I couldn’t believe it myself. And what’s worse…he cut his curly hair to really short so his gross goatee is longer than his hair. It was very upsetting. I was not even attracted to him! Me! I wasn’t attracted to KtCM! Pure madness. I mean in the words of everyone on Grey’s Anatomy…”Seriously? Seriously!” I just have to ask the men of the blogiverse…Why do you insist on ruining yourself with weirdly sculpted facial hair. You are not an English shrub. Why do you want topiary on your face? And to you women out there who occasionally think weird beards and goatees and flavor savers are attractive…what are you thinking? Bleargh. I mean don’t get me wrong I appreciate the rugged handsomeness of scruff just as much as the next person. And occasionally there is a man like Tom Selleck who can pull off the moustache. But pretty much every time facial hair is a BAD choice. So seeing my beloved KtCM defile himself in such a manner, well I sent me through a loop.

Then once I recovered from that I went on a mini-trip with my friends. Mostly it was fun. We played laser tag and ended up meeting a horde of little boys (I say little boys because they were all like 19 and too young for me) but I totally loved one of them. He knew Flash Gordon. So naturally love was there on my side. They also followed us to where we were staying and pull a prank on us the next night…so it was sort of a fun little trip friendship. BUT when we were on our trip I had a major epiphany. It came to me while “Anne” and I were dying and abandoned by the rest of our so called friends as we were being forced to scramble up Death Mountain. After “Anne” had nearly fainted and I felt the panic of needing to drag an unconscious woman down a mountain unattended by anyone (since we were stranded), I realized that I am an indoorsy girl. And as such…I really need to find a man who likes indoorsy girls. (While we’re at it…explain to me why people like getting sweaty and gross climbing up a mountain when it is 110 degrees outside. I don’t get it.)

Once I had recovered from the anxiety of the trip and loving a boy who was far too young for me, one of my guy friends and I were talking about getting set up on dates. He mentioned that he only wanted to go if he saw a picture and if the girl were “cute enough”. Well basically I flew off the handle at him because I think that is rude and jerk-faced. And then he and I wound up discussing me. So I give you his thoughts on me:

“You know that I think you are hiding a good-looking you, remember how I said that?” “You have nice hair.” “You aren’t completely appalling.” “You aren’t really unattractive.” “Your skin looks nice.”

Seriously? Seriously! After listening to all these…I’ll just say “critiques” I was about ready to jump off a bridge. It really hurt my feelings. Jerk head. I mean…who wants to be told that they aren’t you know revolting but if they just did this, this, this, and this THEN they would be decent. No one, that’s who.

Then once I recovered from that experience, I went with a couple of my gal pals to a hang out with this fraternity. Basically it was fun. We played pudding pictionary and my team won (of course). And there was this total dreamboat who was wearing plaid. (Plaid is my kryptonite…I’m helpless against it.) I spent the majority of the night thinking Oh Plaid Guy…please speak to me. But I couldn’t really think of an organic way to meet him so I didn’t. After it was over he said “Who wants to help clean dishes?” And I said, “I LOVE to clean dishes” in a funny way. He laughed. And I was like Okay…nice. So I said “So do you really want help with those dishes.” No response. But there were other people talking and, ya know, maybe he didn’t hear me so I said, “Ummm do you really need some help washing those dishes…” no response…”okay boy whose name I don’t know that’s not listening to me…” And then he turns around with like a crazy laugh (like unstable clown crazy laugh) and says that his name is “Jordan.” And I ask one more time if he really wants help with those dishes. He doesn’t say anything just sort of keeps up the crazy laugh thing. And I turn around and say to my ladies…”Actually, I’m good.” And we leave. Seriously “Jordan”? Seriously! If you’re going to be a total babe don’t be crazy laugh guy. I’m reminded of Barney Stinson’s Hot Crazy Scale.  

Sweet “Jordan” you were so cute…and then so crazy.

Now that I have recovered from all these events…I intend to blog more diligently.