Sparkling Essence

Today at work I was innocently going about my business, when suddenly Boss 2 asked if “Jenn” and I wanted to try this drink his wife really likes. We, being the good sports and adventurous gals that we are, agreed to try this beverage. The beverage in question is R.W. Knudsen’s Sparkling Essence Organic Blueberry drink. The R.W. Knudsen website describes this drink as:

The subtle essence of whole organic blueberries meets the tingling sensation of effervescent spring water.  This light and refreshing organic sparkling beverage offers pure spring water infused with sweet organic blueberries, but without any calories, added sugar, or artificial ingredients.

Just pure refreshment.

They lied. A while back I blogged about that horrible hazardous waste of a drink known as Sierra Mist. I never thought I would find a beverage more awful. I was so wrong…this drink was pure death. When “Jenn” and I tried the drink we immediately wanted to remove our throats and tongues from our bodies so we could be rid of the flavor. I remarked to “Jenn” that the drink tasted like liquid aspirin. She rightly remarked it was pure hydrochloric acid. We quickly took the remaining liquid to the nearest sink and dumped it down the drain, where we stayed long enough to hear the toxic contents of the can begin to eat away the pipes as it made it’s way back down to the sewer from whence it originally came.

A more accurate description of this beverage should read like this:

The subtle essence of whole organic blueberries death meets the tingling scorching sensation of effervescent spring water your esophagus dissolving.  This light cruel and refreshing horrendous organic sparkling beverage offers pure spring water infused vengeance with sweet organic blueberries diabolic machinations, but without any calories, added sugar, or artificial ingredients (except for our man made acid).

Just pure refreshment HELL.

Once we were done disposing of the vile liquid, I sent an IM to my other boss:

Me: That’s just cruel. To have something so horrendous in such a beautiful can.
Boss 2: you tasted it too? and lived?

Me: Barely.

I imagine this is karmic pay-back for the chipmunk incident my friends and I had this weekend. So I suppose drinking poison is my just desserts. But honestly, NO ONE SHOULD EVER DRINK THIS! Although, I may want to recommend that you professional torturers out there keep some on hand in case you get tired of water-boarding and what not.