I was stalked by a horrendous phantom odor...
It all started a couple of weeks ago. Some friends of mine and I decided to cook. We ended up using a lot of herbs and spices and were very unrestrained in our use of garlic. The food was okay. But for several days my kitchen smelled strongly of garlic and onions. But the smell seemed to fade, but still lingered slightly.
Then a couple days later I noticed that the drawer in my cubicle smelled a little bit like an old sandwich. Which was strange and I could not figure out why it smelled thus. But since I only opened that drawer twice a day and the smell wasn't over-powering, I didn't really spend much time thinking about it. Though when I'd open the drawer to pull out my purse each night I couldn't help but wonder in those few seconds what was causing the smell.
Then this weekend I noticed that the smell in my room...the smell I identified as garlic breath-ish was fairly strong and that my room was smelling bad. I left my window and door open (something I really never do) and turned my fan on oscillate (something that I still do not really ever do, since it creates a light breeze and I hate those). It seemed to fix the problem.
The next morning I woke up and it seemed the smell was back though not as strong as before. I wasn't sure what the problem was but I figured since we had used garlic in our cooking again that it must have wafted it's way into my bedroom again like the cheese smell in a cartoon that can carry a mouse to it. A palpable effusion of unpleasant foody smell. So when I went to the store I bought some of the very good smelling febreeze spray that they had in the bathroom at work. Not the awful taste it in your mouth sort but the sort that smells like a nice drier sheet.
I sprayed the living death out of every part of my room, left the window open, left the door open, and left on my oscillating fan. I came back an hour or so later and it was alright. I came back a couple more hours later the smell was slightly back so I sprayed again. I came back about five more hours later and the smell was intense and coupled with the heady scent of the febreeze. My nostrils were being bombarded by food linen rot.
I knew for sure that this was no ordinary scent seepage from kitchen escapades. No I was certain something had been discarded in my trash bin and had decided it's life was over and wanted me to know about it. So I empty my garbage and go through it to make sure the culprit was found. Yet, nothing but papers were in the trash bin. So I return to my room. And I smell. I follow the scent like the cartoon mouse I mentioned earlier. The smell brings me to...my purse?
What could possibly be smelling this awful and living in my purse? I empty the outer zipper pouch. Pencils, money, work ID, hand sanitizer, lotion, gum, chapstick, a thumb drive, and money. Nothing of smell there. So I empty the inner zipper pouch. Anti-bacterial wipes, anti-bacterial spray, ibuprofen, hair brush, two hair combs, my mace. Nothing smelly there either. So I move onto the giant main portion. The bag. The Mary Poppins bag part of my over-sized purse. I pull out four books, a journal, a notebook, a planner, my checkbook, sunglasses case, make-up brushes, make-up, pens, pencils, chapstick, more lotion, more hand sanitizer, my removable hard drive, nail polish, three computer cables, a flash light, an umbrella, a work directory, five bobby-pins, movie tickets, receipts, a water bottle, earmuffs, three and a half pairs of gloves, a granola bar, a necklace, two pairs of earrings, three ipod attachments, two playbills, three fruit snacks, and at the very bottom of the bag I find...an old hard boiled egg.
That's right. A rotten egg. Like Templeton The Rat, I have been carrying around a rotten egg with me every where I go. Why do I have an egg in my purse? I imagine I had taken it with me for lunch one day but completely forgot about it. But finally all of the mystery smells were no longer a mystery. It was the nasty rotten egg turning my room into a den of vomitous odor. It was the nasty rotten egg making the drawer at work smell like something was not quite right. It was the egg. The egg that had bits of purple rot inside. I gagged a little in my mouth once it finally was unburied.
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| Don't you wish that YOU had one for your purse? |
Following the prompt removal of the egg and the immediate washing of my purse and all it's various items, my bedroom actually smells quite nice again. And what is the lesson we learned today kids? Well there are a couple. First, don't take an egg around with you and the forget it's there. It can only end badly. Second, clean out your purse. I'd say, at least once a week. And the final lesson I would say is this:
Don't carry eggs around in your purse. Ever.
Seriously. It will never be a good idea.
PS I think this also might explain why I've been having all of these dreams where velociraptor mother's are chasing me around because I've stolen their eggs. I think my subconscious mind was telling me what was going on.
